Day 5

I love clouds, and it’s fun to be one too.

I am always in awe of how ready to move my body feels after just a few minutes of Gaga, compared to how stiff I feel at the beginning of ballet. Is it the power of words? My imagination? It’s crazy how just by hearing, “Let your joints feel lubricated,” every joint in my body somehow feels so slick and ready for movement.

Today, the teacher introduces a new idea that I haven’t heard before. “Feel like you are a painting, and explore this freedom and range you have in just two dimensions. Send your energy to the front.” I feel a bit restricted in my legs. Does it count as two-dimensional if I reach an arm or leg across myself? I find ways to bend horizontally that I don’t normally do. It’s fun to explore this new plane, but I’m quickly running out of ideas. I feel quite wide. “Now dive into the depth of this painting. Lose your front and explore all dimensions.” It's like my movements were being kept behind a dam, and suddenly it breaks. My body is free to move in all directions to find curves and circles. I move without even thinking about what I’m doing and enjoy losing myself in the uninhibited movement.

Now, we move while feeling both how our skin touches the air and how the air touches us. This sensitivity brings delicate and fragile sensations to my body. Everywhere is listening at once, but my upper body is more successful than my lower body. I feel the air on places I don’t normally: between my fingers, on the backs of my legs. Still focusing on the sensation of touch, we start to negate gravity and float everywhere, “like your limbs are floating in a pool,” the teacher tells us. The air is warm from the summer heat, and I could really do with a dip into the pool. Still not quite satisfied with our floating he tries another approach.

“Feel like you are a big cloud. Clouds are good at floating.”

This brings me joy, and I smile a little. I love clouds, and it’s fun to be one too. I feel more inflated everywhere. As we float, the teacher tells us increase our speed but keep the same effortlessness. “Indulge in the letting go as your movements get faster.” To indulge—what a nice sensation.

“Keep the feeling of plenty of time and let go more. There’s nowhere to get to, no need to rush.” In this moment of quarantine and stasis, I could not relate more. Nowhere to go. I feel stagnant at home, with no real end in sight. Days blend together, and maybe my dancing is also. I speed up my movements, clearing my mind and emptying the space between my head. It’s easy to find movement right now, to go fast without tension. To indulge in the letting go and lose myself in movement. I feel like air, free.

We bring a yawn to the back of our mouths and let it spread to the rest of my body. A real yawn stretches across my face. I feel the stretching translate everywhere. “Pull your bones apart. Twist your arms but keep the softness of your spine.” I still need reminding, but it’s easier now to keep the softness than it was before. Being in a deep position with my legs is also easier than before. We practice moving from far away engines, beginning by rolling our shoulders backwards. As we roll our shoulders, the teacher tells us to find other places to move our shoulders from—our backs, below our armpits, the front of our chest. We touch the sides of our ribs and grab the flesh there. These curves expand and grow out of us, past us. They pass through me this way, rather than me creating them.

“Melt your flesh and let your bones swim through. But grab your bones with your flesh so they don’t get too far away.” This teacher's class makes me feel alive and pushes me to reach my limits. It's refreshing and feels new and alive.