That was the fastest Gaga class I’ve ever taken. The teacher's quick pace was relentless, and I thought the class would feel like forever. I was wrong. Time passed quicker than it has in a while, and all of a sudden we were onto our last song.
I'm still setting up my computer when class starts, and the teacher has instantly transformed into one of the inflatable dancing tubes in front of car dealerships. Her limbs fly about independently of one another, as if they’re all being controlled by a different brain. Her head is free, and her torso has as much fluidity as her arms.
“Bring movement everywhere.” I mimic her actions, trying to find as much movement as she is. I only half-succeed. It’s easier in my arms and legs, but I find blockages in my torso. The movements diminish as they pass through my chest, and I try to break up my ribs. Her weight transfers so smoothly between her legs, and I know I'm not doing the same. I try to slow down my thinking, soften my hips, and go through every part of the weight transfer. I look at my screen, and she’s still finding more movement than I can fathom. I am made of 100 pieces, and she is made of 1,000.
“Start grabbing your flesh with your bones.” Grabbing my flesh with my bones? I don't think I've heard that before, only to grab your bones with your flesh. It’s an opposite feeling than what I’m used to, grabbing from inside to out. She tells us to think about the elastic thread of our arms, and I feel the connection. There’s more stretch and give in my thread than normal. As we start to shift our weight on our legs, the teacher reminds us, "Admit the weight of your pelvis." My pelvis immdiately sinks lower and feels much freer–-I didn’t even realize I was holding it. We shift to the front of our feet, to the back, and to the sides. As we shift our hips between our front and back food, she tells us again to think of the thread of our arms. I re-engage my arms, unaware that I ever disengaged in the first place.
We bring our feet beneaeth us and our arms out to the side, stretching them away. The teacher tells us to shift our hip to the right and resist with our left side. I think about the pull of my left side to find the stretch. She touches the side of her left rib to indicate the stretching from there, and the stretch increases as I find so much more space than before. This stretch is much closer together, much more intense.
We grab our forearms to bring in thick texture. The grabbing travels into our shoulders and down to our feet and calves. I still can’t seem to figure out what it means to grab my shins, but I feel closer to knowing than last time. Now we grab our inner thighs, and I really, really grab. This has been challenging for me recently, but today it feels more doable. We grab our ribs to move, flexing all of us now, showing off our bodybuilders.
“Now, just grab with your torso and release in your limbs. Find the animal in you.” The teacher lunges wildly around my screen, leading from her torso with her arms echoing the movement. I want that same wild abandon. I try to move with the same energy, but my space restricts me. I don’t push as far as I can for fear of hitting something or falling. How I wish I could be in a real studio and have all the room to flail and fall and move into. We drum with this animal-like quality, and it helps me find more range.
Coming out of the drumming, the teacher tells us to find a shake. “Feel like you’re being washed with water, like someone is pouring a bucket of water over you.” I imagine myself shaking like this while I shower and chuckle at the thoguht, thinking about the absolute mess I would make.
My shower gets colder, and my body gets a bit tighter, more frigid, to keep the warmth in and the cold away. Everything pulls in to me. I’m used to a cold shower, but I’ve never tried turning the temperature the other way. As the water gets warmer, my body relaxes and welcomes the water, embracing it. I surprise myself a bit with how visceral this change feels in my body, as if I’m actually adjusting the knob of my shower. How is it that I can feel this so clearly when it’s not even happening? Maybe these are sensations we’ve experienced so frequently that we can draw from them at any time. It scares me a bit, how fully I can feel this.